New Years day 2010 - Off the Train

2010 already!
GTF outta here. Can't be.
As contributions to life go, 2009 had a lot to offer, on reflection but it just went by so damn fast.
I'm going to blame it all on maintenance. Whether it's friends, children, machines, toys or spouse, there is always something in need of attention that just fills up the time between the significant moments. Sometimes of course, the maintenance moments become significant moments but for the most part, there is just too much distraction.
For a brief moment on New Years day 2010, when the party troup had left, cleaning up was done and I was left alone downstairs for nearly 4 hours, I was maintenance free... trouble was, it felt like I was just waisting time. Relaxing and doing nothing but read or watch the birds fly by just didn't sit right. Constant nagging thoughts of stuff I thought I would get done over the break, including writing just wouldn't go away. In all that free time I only managed to read about 30 pages of my book. Can't escape the dogma of being acheivement driven. Everything is measured by achievement. It's bothering me to think that if I had more days with spare time, what would I do with them.
2009 was a great year for getting a lot of 'me' things done. My first school reunion in 29 years was a real blast. Organising it on Facebook was also special since I've spent most of my working and personal life trying to apply technology to improving standard of living.
The 'Mancation' in May which got me back on a trail bike for the first time in over 20 years was another revelation of missed opportunity. On reflection, maturing as husband and father involved way too many situations where 'good fun' was assimilated with immaturity.

The combination of my first school reunion in the same year that Andrea finished high school produced some interesting angles of thought for me this year. Reliving those tumultuous times between school and university, between adolescence and responsibility through Andy's experiences then seeing faces from my personal experiences of the era was so reflective, it was like being in a time machine most of the year.

The retrospection brought me back to revisiting things that were important but somehow dropped off my agenda as life's responsibilities between age 25-45 took over. In hindsight, those twenty years were like being on a train. I set the tracks in a certain direction, then just got onboard for the ride. Speed and distance were the only important factors for all that time.

2009 feels like the year that I got off the train. I spent some time looking back at where I have been, I contrasted that to my children and spoke to a number of old friends to compare journeys. As I sit contemplating if 4 hours on new years day were wasted, it occurs that I don't want to get back on the train for the next 20 years. I want flexibility and the ability to change direction. To adjust to this, I need to change a lot of things. Starting with my measure of achievement. On the train, there was no need to spend time thinking about direction so choosing a direction was never an achievement. Off the train, choosing a direction comes first, velocity and distance are secondary. I need to find value in time spent considering different options / directions that were never present on the train.

At this point, I hope to find a lot more value in experiences and sponteneity and worry a whole lot less about achievement. Fact is, I've achieved most of what I set out to. Savouring the moments is now more important than finding more things to achieve.